30 years from now, a voting member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will be taking the time to fill out his Oscar ballot. He’ll be considering whether or not to pencil in Kevin Smith’s name under the best director category after having just watched Smith’s defining cinematic masterpiece, a heart-breaking character study of loneliness and servitude titled, The Silver Surfer.

Right before his pen hits the paper, he reminisces, “Hey, didn’t I once see Smith participate in a segment called ‘Guys I’d Go Gay For’ on the VH1 slock-fest I Love the 90’s Part Deux?”

With a flicker of doubt now smoldering in his brain, the voting member instead marks his ballot for Martin Scorsese’s cryogenically frozen head for its work helming the period film, Beyond Bacon: The Seventh Degree. He doesn’t really think it’s Marty’s best work. It’s more of a lifetime achievement thing.

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Many people have tried to accurately capture the essence that is Brian, but this much is known to be true: he has dutifully paid the hosting bill for Ranzino.com since 2001.

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