Is there a worse holiday season phenomenon than the anxiety caused by trying to select the perfect Christmas cookie from the break room free-for-all sampler?

This pastry wheel of fortune invariably leads to disappointment. There’s no lower feeling than finding out that what looked like a chocolate chip was really just a raisin or what appeared to the naked eye as powdered sugar was, in fact, finely shredded coconut.

After that initial bite, you make the half-hearted yummy-face that everyone in the immediate area instantly recognizes as a charade. You now have to start formulating your bad-cookie exit strategy. Are there napkins nearby? Is there a discreet garbage receptacle on the way back to my desk? How can I get back to the tray and pinch another cookie without my true gluttonous nature being exposed?

My suggestion, you can never go wrong with a sugar cookie. Especially those in the shape of a Christmas tree covered in red and green sprinkles. Your risk-reward ratio is low but you’re virtually guaranteed to go back to your office with something remotely edible.

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Many people have tried to accurately capture the essence that is Brian, but this much is known to be true: he has dutifully paid the hosting bill for Ranzino.com since 2001.

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