Many years back, Oprah, trying to distance herself from the talk-show pack, re-invented herself and her show in the mold of a new-age self-help touchy feely-fest. Not only did this inflict the likes of John ‘I left my purse at the manicurists’ Gray on an unassuming public, it also introduced America to the equally grating, advice-slingin’ Texan, Dr. Phil.

Through her show, Oprah (or one of Oprah’s usual suspects) dishes out advice on everything from what to read, to how you should center your chi. A frequent topic on Oprah is weight loss: how to eat healthy, exercise, and shed those pounds, just like Oprah has done time and time again.

Why then, would Oprah.com allow the largest purveyor of unhealthy food, McDonalds, become a major ad sponsor on its web site? In a twisted bit of irony, the ads usual appear right below a Jenny Craig ad.

This raises two important questions:
• Brian, what the hell were you doing surfing Oprah.com?
• Why would Oprah.com allow McDonald’s to advertise on its site?

The answers to those questions are:
• I was looking for….er……um….none of your damn business!
• Because the people at Oprah.com aren’t stupid.

If there weren’t any chunky, screwed-up, unhappy people who didn’t know how to pick out their own reading material out there, there would be a lot less people with reasons to watch Oprah.

So even though those fine folks over at Harpo Studios want some of you to feel great and have inspirational breakthroughs, they’re subconsciously hoping that not all of you do. If you did, they might have to focus their energies on making more movies and I, for one, am not ready for Beloved: Part II.

ranzino

Many people have tried to accurately capture the essence that is Brian, but this much is known to be true: he has dutifully paid the hosting bill for Ranzino.com since 2001.

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