[The Iraqi Governing Council is discussing how best to restore fresh water to certain remote areas as Paul Bremer knocks on the door of their headquarters.]

Paul Bremer. [Impatiently] Hey guys, just wanted to drop off a few papers for you to sign, that copy of Fried Green Tomatos I borrowed, and oh, by the way, we’re transferring sovereignty today.

Iraqi Governing Council. Today? But Paul, it’s two days early! You haven’t even eaten that Farareej Mashwi my sister-in-law made for you!

Paul Bremer. [Shifting weight nervously from side to side] Well, you know how it is when the big guy wants something to happen. As for the leftovers, just leave it for the new guy. He should be here any minute now.

Iraqi Governing Council. New guy? What is this new guy?

Paul Bremer. Hey, did I leave my Halliburton notepad laying around here anywhere. I love swag, and I didn’t see it when I packed.

Iraqi Governing Council. Wait, wait, wait. You’re leaving now? What about our security?

Paul Bremer. [Over shoulder while briskly walking away] Oh, the troops aren’t leaving, just me. Don’t worry guys, I’ll drop you a line once I land my sweet consulting gig back in D.C.

Iraqi Governing Council. O…O…Okay, but we’ll be calling the shots now, right…..right….

[Long awkward silence.]

Iraqi Governing Council. Wow…I didn’t know armor-plated limousines could accelerate that quickly.

ranzino

Many people have tried to accurately capture the essence that is Brian, but this much is known to be true: he has dutifully paid the hosting bill for Ranzino.com since 2001.

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