Recreational Boaters for Vague Generalities

On the heels of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, it seems another anti-Kerry veterans group has come to the forefront to contradict the Democratic candidate’s version of events during his service in Vietnam. The Sluggish Hovercraft Veterans for Relative Accuracy (SHVRA) group contends that the Swift Boaters did not go far enough in exposing Kerry’s deceit.

“You see, we all were piloting hovercraft at the time, not boats,” says SHVRA spokesman, Lieutenant Marvin Appleton. “Hovercraft can operate on land and water, so John Kerry’s assertion that he captained a simple ‘boat’ is just a bold-faced lie to the American people.”

When asked if his group was mincing words for political gain, Appleton replied, “I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be led by a man who doesn’t know the difference between something that floats and something that hovers 2 to 3 inches above any surface, liquid or solid. The fact that John Kerry can’t differentiate between the two really makes me wonder how he would handle something as complex as farm subsidies.”

“As for Kerry’s claim that these ‘boats’ were swift,” continued Appleton, “it was 1968 for Pete’s sake! Hovercraft technology was nowhere near where it is today. We topped out at 10 miles per hour, max!”

The SHVRA recently ran a series of print ads in key battleground states with the tagline, “If It Don’t Float, You Don’t Get My Vote!”

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