Donald Trump speaks to me over my car radio.

Every day during my afternoon drive home, The Donald dispense little nuggets of wisdom in tidy 60 second packages. All the while the bass line of the theme song to The Apprentice looping in the background. You know the one, that catchy little ditty that repeats the word money just enough times for it to get caught in your head for the rest of the day. In fact, it rattles around just long enough for you to consider digging it out of your consciousness with a lobster fork.

What’s noteworthy about Donald’s radio bon mots, is that he strays from what one would consider his knowledge base, business, to talk about…well… just about anything. Trump has covered a wide range of material such as:

  • The Mind-numbingly Mundane – A diatribe on excessive noise legislation where you couldn’t tell if Donald was for or against it. C’mon big D! How are you going to fire your new batch of Apprentice’s if you can’t get off the fence in the leafblower controversy?
  • The Political – Apparently, Donald had once seen John Kerry (at the time of the story still single) pass on an attractive woman he had hit it off with, just because someone told Kerry she was ‘big trouble.’ Trump lauded his willpower. There’s a huge flaw in this logic isn’t there? According to Trump’s story, Kerry dropped the woman, “just like that,” after someone told him this woman was trouble. So Donald admires people that respond rashly to hearsay? I like how this anecdote unintentionally reveals a little of Trump’s own vulnerability when it comes to hot chicks. It punctured the pompous windbag for a second and made me hate him just a little less.
  • The Bizarre – Trump told a charming story of how one of his staffers got mauled by a friend’s pit-bull. There was no ambiguity in Donald’s stance on this one, disfigure a hot chick and vengeance is mine! And the mogul doth decree, “pit-bulls should be outlawed as pets.” However, his stance on whether they remain appropiate as corporate beer spokesmen was not noted.

Even when he veers into the business arena his advice isn’t too insightful. In a recent spot Trump advised those who have worked hard at their jobs on the best way to ask for raises. Here’s the helpful tip years of shrewd business acumen produced: You should only ask for your raise when it seems like the boss is in a good mood.

As my eighth grade self would say, fa-duh!

Trump’s presence isn’t limited to the airwaves. Since his triumphant return to the public eye in NBC’s The Apprentice, he has cashed in on good television ratings with an ego-boosting bonanza. Now that the second season is ready to kick-off, New York’s native son is currently rivaling Michael Phelps’ six pack in media exposure. Donald is even mulling over starting a Trump University. No word yet on the curriculum, but expect a strong core of liberal arts with a minor in ass-kissing mixed in for good measure.

What’s troubling to me about The Donald’s resurgence is that I thought we had stuck a fork in this guy. Wasn’t Trump something our culture collectively left behind in the dust bin of the last millennium, joined by the likes of Susan Powter, Anthony Robbins, or Jams. Sure these icons get taken out and dusted off now and again, but somehow they look out of place, like seeing Paris Hilton in a public library.

And you thought I’d go after his hair. Way too easy my friend, way too easy.

ranzino

Many people have tried to accurately capture the essence that is Brian, but this much is known to be true: he has dutifully paid the hosting bill for Ranzino.com since 2001.

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