No…I’m Not Ready Mr. Williams Jr.

Being a full-fledged American football fan, I can say unequivocally nothing gets me more fired up for the legalized bloodsport that is the NFL more than the catchy pop stylings of Elton John, Jessica Simpson, and Mary J. Blige. You can’t tell me the Backstreet Boys weren’t available to add the perfect finishing touch.

I remember the days when all you needed to get fired up for a football game was the Monday Night Football theme underscoring an animation of two helmets (spewing electricity like the world’s most improbable tesla coil) smashing into one another and exploding.

I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

Also undeniably spine-tingling was the old-school CBS intro from the master of pre-game build-up, Pat Summerall. With some snappy editing and dramatic music, Pat could convince you the impending Cardinals-Seahawks tilt was akin to the Peloponnesian War and no less important.

If we ever needed to call our young men in this country to arms, NFL Films should produce the spot and have Pat Summerall narrate. Either that, or reanimate John Facenda.

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Many people have tried to accurately capture the essence that is Brian, but this much is known to be true: he has dutifully paid the hosting bill for Ranzino.com since 2001.

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