Confections with Attitudes

Today, after polishing off my lunch of pork fried rice and an egg roll, I broke into my complimentary “fortune” cookie to find this message:

“If you work harder, your monetary rewards will be greater.”

Great. Now in addition to my mother-in-law, I have miniature fried desserts all over my ass.

When exactly did fortune cookie makers get out of the business of…well… doling out fortunes. I can handle deep-fried cookies mystically predicting vague future events, but something rubs me the wrong way about my dessert handing out career advice.


Many people have tried to accurately capture the essence that is Brian, but this much is known to be true: he has dutifully paid the hosting bill for since 2001.

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