A Parent’s Primer for Children’s Board Games: Candy Land
Basic Game Play
In a turn-based game, players draw colored cards to determine how many spaces their Gingerbread men will move along the path to “Home Sweet Home”, along the way avoiding obstacles named for confections that were popular no less than 50 years ago.
Why Your Kids Love It
“Hey, I know colors! I know how to count to two! I CAN PLAY THIS GAME! It has been decided then, let us do nothing else before dinner for the next three months!”
Why You Hate It
Special candy cards (to which you have to return to the corresponding space on the board when drawn) will continually appear at the most disadvantageous time for ALL players, thereby extending the tedious game play to the point where adult participants view the sweet kiss of death as a more desirable option than returning to the Peanut Brittle House one more fricking time.
A solid 9 out of 10. And trust me, you will want to swing this game in ANYONE’S favor at some point. For children under 3 years of age, reshuffling the deck to strategically replace candy cards only requires a standard misdirection ruse. “Did your brother forget to wear pants again? Well, GO LOOK!”
Real Life Fun Equivalent
Wrestling a homeless Vietnam veteran for the quarter you just gave him because you realize you need it for the meter, then doing it again a half hour later because your time’s up and you still don’t have change.