Here are the list of kids whose costumes mandate that I not give them candy tomorrow night:
- Small children in red skirt-suits dressed as Sarah Palin. You know their parents put them up to it even though they begged to dress up as that girl from High School Musical. If I withold your candy, perhaps you’ll turn on them before it’s too late.
- The 47th child dressed as Hannah Montana and/or her doppelganger “my voice sounds like a chain smoking Taylor Dayne, even though I’m only 15 years old” Miley Cyrus. The first 46 are in like flint, but after that, butkus.
- Any children dressed in New York or Boston sports team paraphernalia. Honestly, why should we even bother voting for change if people in Pennsylvania can’t even raise their own children in a proper fashion?
- Ghosts. I know times are tough, but try a little harder then come on back next year sparky.
- Any child whose voice is deeper than mine and whose costume consists of a dark hoodie and a scary mask. Maybe you could have saved up to buy your own candy instead of blowing it on Fallout 3? I hear that McDonald’s is hiring, so why don’t you go ahead and get off my porch.