Other Things Donovan McNabb Doesn’t Know

After a particularly uninspired gridiron matchup between the Cincinnati Bengals and the Philadelphia Eagles ended in 13-13 tie, Donovan McNabb, the 10-year veteran quarterback of the Eagles, revealed he didn’t know an NFL game could end in a stalemate.

So as to avoid awkward conversations if you were to meet Mr. McNabb in a social setting, I’ve prepared a partial listing of other common-knowledge items he just flat-out doesn’t know.

  • How to set his TiVo to record that Punky Brewster marathon on TVLand.
  • How many days has September, April, June and November (If only there were some sort of mnemonic device…).
  • How to manage a clock efficiently in the 2 minute drill.
  • The assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand ignited the Balkan powder keg thereby leading to WWI.
  • The i before e rule.
  • How many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.
  • Pi.  Not even to 5 decimals.
  • How much money his mom embezzled from him during those Chunky Soup endorsement deals.
  • The cell number of Brian Dawkins do-rag supplier.  Weapon X is surprisingly non-forthcoming.
  • Green M&M’s have no tangible effect on your passer rating.
  • The ingredients in a B.L.T. sandwich.
  • Where babies come from.
  • What the big deal is about the Phillies right now.
ranzino

Many people have tried to accurately capture the essence that is Brian, but this much is known to be true: he has dutifully paid the hosting bill for Ranzino.com since 2001.

1 Comments

  1. I hate him out loud! i hate him, Play Kevin Kolb! #5 has got to go! I have not said his name the puking in the Super Bowl incident. He sucks, has always sucked, and has probably lost his value on the trade market to get us a reciever/playmaker.

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