Other Things Donovan McNabb Doesn’t Know

After a particularly uninspired gridiron matchup between the Cincinnati Bengals and the Philadelphia Eagles ended in 13-13 tie, Donovan McNabb, the 10-year veteran quarterback of the Eagles, revealed he didn’t know an NFL game could end in a stalemate.

So as to avoid awkward conversations if you were to meet Mr. McNabb in a social setting, I’ve prepared a partial listing of other common-knowledge items he just flat-out doesn’t know.

  • How to set his TiVo to record that Punky Brewster marathon on TVLand.
  • How many days has September, April, June and November (If only there were some sort of mnemonic device…).
  • How to manage a clock efficiently in the 2 minute drill.
  • The assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand ignited the Balkan powder keg thereby leading to WWI.
  • The i before e rule.
  • How many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.
  • Pi.  Not even to 5 decimals.
  • How much money his mom embezzled from him during those Chunky Soup endorsement deals.
  • The cell number of Brian Dawkins do-rag supplier.  Weapon X is surprisingly non-forthcoming.
  • Green M&M’s have no tangible effect on your passer rating.
  • The ingredients in a B.L.T. sandwich.
  • Where babies come from.
  • What the big deal is about the Phillies right now.

Many people have tried to accurately capture the essence that is Brian, but this much is known to be true: he has dutifully paid the hosting bill for Ranzino.com since 2001.


  1. I hate him out loud! i hate him, Play Kevin Kolb! #5 has got to go! I have not said his name the puking in the Super Bowl incident. He sucks, has always sucked, and has probably lost his value on the trade market to get us a reciever/playmaker.

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