Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Umcka Coldcare & Petadolex
ranzino September 30, 2021

Burning Question


Umcka Coldcare – Why only 1X of the Pelargonium Siodoides? Why not 2x or 3X? This sore throat isn’t going to magically heal itself bro… What’s that? It’s homeopathic? Okay scratch that, I guess it will heal itself.

Petadolex –
What exactly is Butterbur? If it’s anything other than something Dwayne Johnson slathers on his biceps, someone really dropped the ball in product marketing.

Unexpected Bonus


Umcka Coldcare – It’s cherry-menthol flavored just like my other favorite homeopathic “like cures like” all-natural throat remedy, Djarum Cherry Cigarettes!

Petadolex – This is the Pro-Active version of Petadolex. Last time I bought the re-active version and that crap didn’t do shit until I reminded it six times to do its frickin’ job.

Questionable Design Choice


Umcka Coldcare – The “spray” coming out the product seemingly has a reddish brown tint to it. My personal experience with any kind of brown mist is mixed at best.

Petadolex – The woman on the box is either peacefully meditating on whatever thoughts occur to you when your blood vessels are supremely healthy, or she is having one of the most satisfying bowel movements of her life.

Appropriately Priced?


Umcka Coldcare – The same amount of money I absentmindedly stuff into a Salvation Army kettle seems about right for this “clinically-proven” healthcare product.

Petadolex – While $2 is a steep $11 drop from its original sticker price, anything above .50 cents seems pricey for a product where the asterisk following “Blood Vessel Health” isn’t quite small enough to escape notice and not lead you to the following disclaimer:

“These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.”

So, no treatment, cure, or prevention of disease? That’s okay, I only look for my medicinal profile to provide moral support and nothing more.

It’s worth noting that the newly-packaged version of Petadolex (which btw I’m pretty sure was the name of the monsters Will & Holly used to run away from on Land of the Lost) for sale on Amazon touts not just blood vessel health, but specifically BRAIN blood vessel health. The new $25 price tag must be from all that R&D they put into targeting those specific vessels. Ivermectin and now this, the future of healthcare truly is now!

ranzino

Many people have tried to accurately capture the essence that is Brian, but this much is known to be true: he has dutifully paid the hosting bill for Ranzino.com since 2001.

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