Ranzino.com FAQ

“Is this site supposed to be… funny or something? Because it’s not.”

What I write is guaranteed only to be funny to me. If you enjoy it, so be it. If you do not, then may I suggest you read Garfield online. Jokes about lasagna and hating Mondays may be more to your liking. Most posts on Ranzino.com are meant to be humorous. Some posts may achieve that goal better than others. None are meant to offend but may do so inadvertently.

“Who are you and where do you live?”

My name is Brian and I currently live in picturesque Lancaster County in the great state of Pennsylvania. I am neither Amish nor am I of the Mennonite persuasion.

I am married to my beautiful wife and together we have somehow produced two three somewhat well-adjusted sons. For a time, we also lived in Connecticut so if you dive deep into the archives you may find posts referencing both areas. If you’re not interested in reading anything specific about New England or Pennsylvania just skip those parts, or again, Garfield is always available to you 24/7.

“Do you like being a parent? Because sometimes with what you write about… it seems like you really don’t.”

I love being a parent more than anything else I’ve done in my life so far (including frozen turkey bowling, which is surprisingly fun.) I am a naturally sarcastic person, so instead of releasing my daily frustrations over the ups and downs of child rearing in negative ways, I bitch and moan about them here.

For those of you who are thinking about having children, I assure you the positives outweigh the negatives by a slim margin. Unless, of course, you have a serious problem dealing with another human’s waste product for 2-plus years.  Then it’s a virtual toss-up.

“What do you do for a living?”

Quite frankly, that’s none of your business, but I’m sure if you’re minimally competent at googling, you could probably turn that up on your own. If you would like me to do something intellectually rewarding and financially lucrative for you, just drop me a line.

“What’s your favorite movie musical and why?”

I’m glad you asked that question. I’d have to go with The Music Man because any movie that can work in a song called ‘Sha-Poopie‘ AND an outstanding supporting performance by Buddy Hackett deserves a lot of credit in my book.

“I Like (Fill in the blank here) and I don’t appreciate the things you said about (Fill in the blank here.) Why do you have to go after (Fill in the blank here) like that?”

Thank you for your critical feedback. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. No offense was meant. But seriously, have you checked out Garfield yet? I really think it’s more your speed.