Movies & TV

January 30, 2020
Optimism Renewed premium
Middle East peace, sneezing with your eyes open, the return of the VHS tape as a viable media format. Literally anything is possible. Someone has financed and produced a stage production of the Golden Girls featuring only puppets. Never, ever, let your dreams die.
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Anthropomorphic Identity Crisis premium
Child malapropisms. They're one of the few true joys of parenthood. 
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July 26, 2008
Lost in Translation premium
Lost in Translation, originally uploaded by ranzino. “No, I have no idea what he’s talking about. He keeps babbling on about something called ‘The Claw.’ Copy that, I’ll just throw him in the Jawa burn pile”
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June 2, 2008
Fedora Lost premium
If 10 years ago, you would have suggested to me a movie directed by the fat guy from Swingers starring Robert Downey Jr. posing as a second-tier Marvel Comics character would beat the pants off a Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Harrison Ford collaboration, I probably would have called you a damn dirty liar. If you […]
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September 24, 2007
Wearing Your State Pride premium
Having had a Netflix account for almost as long as the service has existed, I haven’t found much reason to go into a Blockbuster in almost a decade. There are times, however, when the occasion does warrant a visit to the brick and mortar cinema shill for one reason or another. Because I am not […]
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March 3, 2006
78 Years of Gratuitous Self-Adulation premium
Since none of us actually saw any of the movies that were nominated this year, I thought I would save us all a little time. I watched the Oscars so you wouldn’t have to! Here’s what you missed: 8:06 pm – The first obligatory camera shot to Jack Nicholson. Do you think he saves those […]
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March 3, 2006
Catch of the Day premium
It’s a sad day for Hollywood. Tinseltown has long been a bastion for liberal wackos such as Sean Penn and Donald Duck (Refuses to marry Daisy, thereby denying a traditional and stable home life to his obviously deviant nephews. And for God sakes man, put on some pants!) The snooty denizens of La La Land […]
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January 30, 2006
Shame on You America premium
America. I know it’s January. I realize that this is the traditional time for movie studios to dump ill-conceived, horribly-executed vanity projects on an unsuspecting public. I am well aware that the pickings are slim. Despite all of this, I am embarrassed for you, the American movie-going public. You chose to elevate Big Mama’s House […]
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June 24, 2005
Ratings Rhumba premium
The Top 5 Reasons Why It’s Surprising I Enjoy Watching Dancing With the Stars5. I never thought John O’Hurley’s masterful work as the host of The Great American Celebrity Spelling Bee could be topped. 4. I was definitely in the Rod Stewart camp during his breakup with Rachel Hunter. 3. The witty off-the-cuff humor of […]
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May 19, 2005
2005 Summer Movie Preview Part II: Electric Boogaloo premium
The tepid follow-up(re: hurried crash-grab) to the critically acclaimed original! Cinderella ManA Note from Ron Howard: “Why not just deliver the Oscar to my house right now? I’ve got all the elements the Academy loves: Russell Crowe, pugilists, period costumes. To top it all off, I’m not saying that Russell’s character dies at the end […]
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