Movies & TV

January 30, 2020
Optimism Renewed premium
Middle East peace, sneezing with your eyes open, the return of the VHS tape as a viable media format. Literally anything is possible. Someone has financed and produced a stage production of the Golden Girls featuring only puppets. Never, ever, let your dreams die.
Anthropomorphic Identity Crisis premium
Child malapropisms. They're one of the few true joys of parenthood. 
July 26, 2008
Lost in Translation premium
Lost in Translation, originally uploaded by ranzino. “No, I have no idea what he’s talking about. He keeps babbling on about something called ‘The Claw.’ Copy that, I’ll just throw him in the Jawa burn pile”
June 2, 2008
Fedora Lost premium
If 10 years ago, you would have suggested to me a movie directed by the fat guy from Swingers starring Robert Downey Jr. posing as a second-tier Marvel Comics character would beat the pants off a Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Harrison Ford collaboration, I probably would have called you a damn dirty liar. If you […]
September 24, 2007
Wearing Your State Pride premium
Having had a Netflix account for almost as long as the service has existed, I haven’t found much reason to go into a Blockbuster in almost a decade. There are times, however, when the occasion does warrant a visit to the brick and mortar cinema shill for one reason or another. Because I am not […]
March 3, 2006
78 Years of Gratuitous Self-Adulation premium
Since none of us actually saw any of the movies that were nominated this year, I thought I would save us all a little time. I watched the Oscars so you wouldn’t have to! Here’s what you missed: 8:06 pm – The first obligatory camera shot to Jack Nicholson. Do you think he saves those […]
March 3, 2006
Catch of the Day premium
It’s a sad day for Hollywood. Tinseltown has long been a bastion for liberal wackos such as Sean Penn and Donald Duck (Refuses to marry Daisy, thereby denying a traditional and stable home life to his obviously deviant nephews. And for God sakes man, put on some pants!) The snooty denizens of La La Land […]
January 30, 2006
Shame on You America premium
America. I know it’s January. I realize that this is the traditional time for movie studios to dump ill-conceived, horribly-executed vanity projects on an unsuspecting public. I am well aware that the pickings are slim. Despite all of this, I am embarrassed for you, the American movie-going public. You chose to elevate Big Mama’s House […]
June 24, 2005
Ratings Rhumba premium
The Top 5 Reasons Why It’s Surprising I Enjoy Watching Dancing With the Stars5. I never thought John O’Hurley’s masterful work as the host of The Great American Celebrity Spelling Bee could be topped. 4. I was definitely in the Rod Stewart camp during his breakup with Rachel Hunter. 3. The witty off-the-cuff humor of […]
May 19, 2005
2005 Summer Movie Preview Part II: Electric Boogaloo premium
The tepid follow-up(re: hurried crash-grab) to the critically acclaimed original! Cinderella ManA Note from Ron Howard: “Why not just deliver the Oscar to my house right now? I’ve got all the elements the Academy loves: Russell Crowe, pugilists, period costumes. To top it all off, I’m not saying that Russell’s character dies at the end […]