Food & Bev

October 14, 2022
Convenience Store Interrogatives premium
Because Diabetes. The answer to the question you are posing is, “Because diabetes.”
October 17, 2021
Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Original Scungilli premium
The answer to the question, "What do you think would be in a chafing dish on Fridays in hell's cafeteria?"
July 22, 2021
Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Glacs premium
Need another reminder about global warming? Why not have it stare right back at you from your cereal bowl?
November 28, 2010
The Burden of Being Aquaman premium
It's a big ocean. You can't be everywhere at once.
October 28, 2008
Two Girls, Two Guys, 4 Plastic Cups premium
This weekend my wife and I went out on the town with some good friends. Being stalwart Pennsylvanians, we felt honor-bound by stately sporting obligations to find someplace after dinner to watch the Penn State/Ohio State football game. We ended up finding a “sports bar” outside of the city. I use the term “sports bar” […]
July 5, 2008
Signs premium
Pretzel Sign, originally uploaded by ranzino. Reports of inappropriate adult-on-pretzel contact have risen 130% in Lancaster County in the past year.  Experts attribute this meteoric rise to increased media coverage of Auntie Anne’s risque fashion line targeted towards teen girls prominently featuring the tagline “Salty” in suggestive areas of the clothing.
June 6, 2008
Bashing Stereotypes premium
Bashing Stereotypes, originally uploaded by ranzino. In Lancaster County, cops don’t eat donuts… they eat pretzels… made by the Amish… who are under around the clock protection from Harrison Ford until the real killers are caught.
June 5, 2008
Triple-Bypass Burger premium
Triple-Bypass Burger, originally uploaded by ranzino. Inside a 5 Guys Product Development Meeting Executive #1: Our CEO has tasked us with expanding our product line as to appeal to the “dangerous glutton” demo. What do we have for ideas? Executive #2: Well… people really do love our burgers… Executive #1: I’ve got it! Let’s just […]
May 27, 2008
In Desparate Need of a Line Break premium
Advertising Genius, originally uploaded by ranzino. The good news is when you deep fry them, they taste just like Burger King’s chicken fries.
May 3, 2008
Secrets premium
Raw Sugar, originally uploaded by ranzino. When given the chance as  a kid, I used to eat raw sugar right out of those signature brown packets. Diabetes, I hardly knew ye.