January 4, 2019
The Future is Now premium
Fans of the luxuriously depressing obesity-chic lifestyle as depicted in the Pixar classic Wall*E rejoice! Your dream reality is at hand. You know Wall*E, it’s the Pixar movie your kids least want to re-watch. No, not Ratatouille, the other one. No, not the Lion King remake with dinosaurs on peyote.  The one with robots and […]
April 18, 2010
10 Rumored Features of the New iPhone 4G premium
In light of Gizmodo’s recent acquisition of a top-secret pre-production version of the iPhone 4G, speculation has begun on exactly what new features this life-altering device may offer.   Luckily, has been able to confirm just a few of the many mind-blowing enhancements Apple has in store for us. Can shoot arcing bolts of […]
January 26, 2009
The Myth of Wii premium
The Non-Political Plumber, originally uploaded by ranzino. Here’s how fanboys of the Nintendo Wii will defend their beloved gaming console to those who are less than enamored with the lifestyle that often accompanies video gaming: But it’s not like other systems!  It gets you up and moving around!  It’s an ACTIVE experience! I’ve got a […]
March 26, 2008
Top 5 Signs You May Not Be My Newest Flickr Contact premium
The first 4 pages of your photostream consist entirely of pictures of your wiener dog dressed in outfits you have personally crocheted. You’re hosting an historical archive of starlet nipple slip screenshots from the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. LOLCATS. Nothing but wall-to-wall LOLCATS. No, I’m not interested in trading, as you put it, “tasteful” […]
March 14, 2007
Backup, Backup, Backup premium
Here’s the skinny. About a month ago, the mySQL database containing all of the blog posts decided a pertinent database table wasn’t really all that necessary anymore. Oh, just in case you’re wondering, the mySQL database speaks in a thick cockney accent. Me: Yeah, hi there. I don’t mean to bother you or […]
February 20, 2007 is Experiencing Technical Difficulties premium
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Dumbest… Technology… Ever. premium
A 16-year-old boy broke the Guinness World Record for speed text messaging this past Sunday. Ang Chuang Yang of Singapore was definitely “in the zone” when he typed an 160 character message in only 41.52 seconds. The standard phrase used as the sample text in all text-messaging contests apparently is: The razor-toothed piranhas of the […]
January 24, 2006
Even Better Than Baywatch Knights premium
The Internet. A breakthrough in technology that allows educators, businesses, and everyday people of the world equal access to communicate and collaborate in ways never even dreamed possible! Or, if you prefer, a vessel for providing you the opportunity to wax David Hasselhoff’s chest hair.
It’s “Wine Spectator” You Idiot premium
I spelled the word connoisseur so badly on a first draft of an email today that the following exchange occurred between myself and my computer’s spell checker. Spell Checker: “Hmmm….conasuire…Yeah, I got nothing. Me: “Are you sure? It means to be a localized expert or an appreciator in a particular field. Nothing?” Spell Checker: “Are […]
March 7, 2005
Great Name for a Resume premium
Best Fake Spam “From Field” Alias of the Day Jockstrap M. Paralegal