October 17, 2021
Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Original Scungilli premium
The answer to the question, "What do you think would be in a chafing dish on Fridays in hell's cafeteria?"
September 30, 2021
Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Umcka Coldcare & Petadolex premium
Where you should buy your healthcare products when the swap meet isn't meeting all of your clinical needs.
September 28, 2021
A Dispatch to My Wife Justifying the Purchase and Display of My New Truck Nutz premium
It is with great respect and the utmost humility that I stand before you in defense of this most innocent of all motor vehicle novelty items.
July 22, 2021
Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Glacs premium
Need another reminder about global warming? Why not have it stare right back at you from your cereal bowl?
September 13, 2020
Absorbency to the Max premium
Suggested taglines for Kirkland Signature’s toilet paper with new wider sheets: 5. Go on, have that second burrito 4. Rainforests schmainforests! 3. Hiding your silent bathroom crying has never been easier! 2. America 2020 Collector’s Edition1. I mean c’mon… just look at yourself
All the Chat That’s Fit to Moderately Disagree premium
“Uhhhh…. I think I’ll select option C?”
January 30, 2020
Optimism Renewed premium
Middle East peace, sneezing with your eyes open, the return of the VHS tape as a viable media format. Literally anything is possible. Someone has financed and produced a stage production of the Golden Girls featuring only puppets. Never, ever, let your dreams die.
You are a sign maker premium
You nailed “surveillance” but just couldn’t stick the landing.
January 4, 2019
The Future is Now premium
Fans of the luxuriously depressing obesity-chic lifestyle as depicted in the Pixar classic Wall*E rejoice! Your dream reality is at hand. You know Wall*E, it’s the Pixar movie your kids least want to re-watch. No, not Ratatouille, the other one. No, not the Lion King remake with dinosaurs on peyote.  The one with robots and […]
May 19, 2016
You Won’t Believe What Happened Next… premium
Least effective piece of clickbait I've ever seen.