Ranzino.com | Where the rustproofing is always complimentary

Marketing

September 13, 2020

Absorbency to the Max premium

Suggested taglines for Kirkland Signature’s toilet paper with new wider sheets: 5. Go on, have that second burrito 4. Rainforests schmainforests! 3. Hiding your silent bathroom crying has never been easier! 2. America 2020 Collector’s Edition1. I mean c’mon… just look at yourself

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Adventures in Spelling and Grammar

September 11, 2020

All the Chat That’s Fit to Moderately Disagree premium

“Uhhhh…. I think I’ll select option C?”

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Movies & TV, Pop Culture

January 30, 2020

Optimism Renewed premium

Middle East peace, sneezing with your eyes open, the return of the VHS tape as a viable media format. Literally anything is possible. Someone has financed and produced a stage production of the Golden Girls featuring only puppets. Never, ever, let your dreams die.

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Adventures in Spelling and Grammar

January 29, 2019

You are a sign maker premium

You nailed “surveillance” but just couldn’t stick the landing.

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Oddness, Technology

January 4, 2019

The Future is Now premium

Fans of the luxuriously depressing obesity-chic lifestyle as depicted in the Pixar classic Wall*E rejoice! Your dream reality is at hand. You know Wall*E, it’s the Pixar movie your kids least want to re-watch. No, not Ratatouille, the other one. No, not the Lion King remake with dinosaurs on peyote. The one with robots and […]

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Marketing

May 19, 2016

You Won’t Believe What Happened Next… premium

Least effective piece of clickbait I've ever seen.

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Food & Bev, Pop Culture

November 28, 2010

The Burden of Being Aquaman premium

It's a big ocean. You can't be everywhere at once.

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Movies & TV, Parenting & Suburbia, Pop Culture

September 25, 2010

Anthropomorphic Identity Crisis premium

Child malapropisms. They're one of the few true joys of parenthood.

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Parenting & Suburbia

September 21, 2010

10 Sure Fire Steps to Having a GREAT Morning premium

Leave the house with all of your children. Enjoy the pleasant daily ritual of exchanging friendly waves with the kind, elderly crossing guard lady. Drop off eldest child without his book bag or lunch. Return to your house to retrieve forgotten lunches and book bags. Reciprocate waves from the overly-eager aging crossing guard woman with […]

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Technology

April 18, 2010

10 Rumored Features of the New iPhone 4G premium

In light of Gizmodo’s recent acquisition of a top-secret pre-production version of the iPhone 4G, speculation has begun on exactly what new features this life-altering device may offer. Luckily, Ranzino.com has been able to confirm just a few of the many mind-blowing enhancements Apple has in store for us. Can shoot arcing bolts of […]

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