October 17, 2021
Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Original Scungilli premium
The answer to the question, "What do you think would be in a chafing dish on Fridays in hell's cafeteria?"
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September 30, 2021
Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Umcka Coldcare & Petadolex premium
Where you should buy your healthcare products when the swap meet isn't meeting all of your clinical needs.
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September 28, 2021
A Dispatch to My Wife Justifying the Purchase and Display of My New Truck Nutz premium
It is with great respect and the utmost humility that I stand before you in defense of this most innocent of all motor vehicle novelty items.
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July 22, 2021
Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Glacs premium
Need another reminder about global warming? Why not have it stare right back at you from your cereal bowl?
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September 13, 2020
Absorbency to the Max premium
Suggested taglines for Kirkland Signature’s toilet paper with new wider sheets: 5. Go on, have that second burrito 4. Rainforests schmainforests! 3. Hiding your silent bathroom crying has never been easier! 2. America 2020 Collector’s Edition1. I mean c’mon… just look at yourself
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All the Chat That’s Fit to Moderately Disagree premium
“Uhhhh…. I think I’ll select option C?”
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January 30, 2020
Optimism Renewed premium
Middle East peace, sneezing with your eyes open, the return of the VHS tape as a viable media format. Literally anything is possible. Someone has financed and produced a stage production of the Golden Girls featuring only puppets. Never, ever, let your dreams die.
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You are a sign maker premium
You nailed “surveillance” but just couldn’t stick the landing.
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January 4, 2019
The Future is Now premium
Fans of the luxuriously depressing obesity-chic lifestyle as depicted in the Pixar classic Wall*E rejoice! Your dream reality is at hand. You know Wall*E, it’s the Pixar movie your kids least want to re-watch. No, not Ratatouille, the other one. No, not the Lion King remake with dinosaurs on peyote.  The one with robots and […]
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May 19, 2016
You Won’t Believe What Happened Next… premium
Least effective piece of clickbait I've ever seen.
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