Ranzino.com | Where the rustproofing is always complimentary

Food & Bev, Marketing

October 17, 2021

Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Original Scungilli premium

The answer to the question, "What do you think would be in a chafing dish on Fridays in hell's cafeteria?"

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Marketing

September 30, 2021

Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Umcka Coldcare & Petadolex premium

Where you should buy your healthcare products when the swap meet isn't meeting all of your clinical needs.

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Oddness

September 28, 2021

A Dispatch to My Wife Justifying the Purchase and Display of My New Truck Nutz premium

It is with great respect and the utmost humility that I stand before you in defense of this most innocent of all motor vehicle novelty items.

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Food & Bev, Marketing

July 22, 2021

Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Glacs premium

Need another reminder about global warming? Why not have it stare right back at you from your cereal bowl?

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Marketing

September 13, 2020

Absorbency to the Max premium

Suggested taglines for Kirkland Signature’s toilet paper with new wider sheets: 5. Go on, have that second burrito 4. Rainforests schmainforests! 3. Hiding your silent bathroom crying has never been easier! 2. America 2020 Collector’s Edition1. I mean c’mon… just look at yourself

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Adventures in Spelling and Grammar

September 11, 2020

All the Chat That’s Fit to Moderately Disagree premium

“Uhhhh…. I think I’ll select option C?”

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Movies & TV, Pop Culture

January 30, 2020

Optimism Renewed premium

Middle East peace, sneezing with your eyes open, the return of the VHS tape as a viable media format. Literally anything is possible. Someone has financed and produced a stage production of the Golden Girls featuring only puppets. Never, ever, let your dreams die.

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Adventures in Spelling and Grammar

January 29, 2019

You are a sign maker premium

You nailed “surveillance” but just couldn’t stick the landing.

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Oddness, Technology

January 4, 2019

The Future is Now premium

Fans of the luxuriously depressing obesity-chic lifestyle as depicted in the Pixar classic Wall*E rejoice! Your dream reality is at hand. You know Wall*E, it’s the Pixar movie your kids least want to re-watch. No, not Ratatouille, the other one. No, not the Lion King remake with dinosaurs on peyote. The one with robots and […]

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Marketing

May 19, 2016

You Won’t Believe What Happened Next… premium

Least effective piece of clickbait I've ever seen.

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