Marketing

October 17, 2021
Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Original Scungilli premium
The answer to the question, "What do you think would be in a chafing dish on Fridays in hell's cafeteria?"
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September 30, 2021
Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Umcka Coldcare & Petadolex premium
Where you should buy your healthcare products when the swap meet isn't meeting all of your clinical needs.
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July 22, 2021
Discount Grocery Item of the Day – Glacs premium
Need another reminder about global warming? Why not have it stare right back at you from your cereal bowl?
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September 13, 2020
Absorbency to the Max premium
Suggested taglines for Kirkland Signature’s toilet paper with new wider sheets: 5. Go on, have that second burrito 4. Rainforests schmainforests! 3. Hiding your silent bathroom crying has never been easier! 2. America 2020 Collector’s Edition1. I mean c’mon… just look at yourself
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May 19, 2016
You Won’t Believe What Happened Next… premium
Least effective piece of clickbait I've ever seen.
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November 21, 2006
Will It Blend? premium
I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve used a blender in the past few years. Of course, that doesn’t prevent me from hanging on every word of the immaculately staged Magic Bullet commercials that are omnipresent on weekend mornings somewhere in the basic cable universe. There’s just something about a […]
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March 14, 2005
A Hootie with Extra Cheese Hold the Mayo premium
A cautionary tale for all the budding pop and rock stars of the new millennium. Sure, today your album may have just reached 16 time platinum status. Your record may even rank as one of the best debut albums of all-time. Your popularity at this time may be so great, major sports stars may be […]
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February 17, 2005
A Bone You Say? Why Yes That Would Be Lovely premium
I got a great piece of SPAM in my Inbox today. That’s right, now for only $39.95, that’s right m’am you heard me correctly that’s less than I paid for my cable bill this month, you can finally decipher the cryptic language stylings of your common household canine. The inventors behind the Bow-Lingual translator are […]
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December 13, 2004
Bringin’ the Holiday Lumber premium
Am I the only person in America who would like to see someone bust in from the side of the frame in those Old Navy Caroler commercials and hit those darn kids in the back of their heads with a 2×4? I mean, not the small ones in the front row, just the larger ones […]
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December 13, 2004
One is the Loneliest Number premium
Whoever came up with the idea to sell three of the same type of socks in one package is a genius. It’s like they were able to eerily see into the shameful secrets of my hosiery drawer. There’s more unmatchable singles in there than at a speed-dating event held at Comic-Con. If only the socks […]
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