Parenting & Suburbia

Anthropomorphic Identity Crisis premium
Child malapropisms. They're one of the few true joys of parenthood. 
September 21, 2010
10 Sure Fire Steps to Having a GREAT Morning premium
Leave the house with all of your children. Enjoy the pleasant daily ritual of exchanging friendly waves with the kind, elderly crossing guard lady. Drop off eldest child without his book bag or lunch. Return to your house to retrieve forgotten lunches and book bags. Reciprocate waves from the overly-eager aging crossing guard woman with […]
December 29, 2008
Damn you George Lucas premium
You know your 5- year- old is probably watching too much Star Wars when your 2-year-old is humming John Williams’ Imperial March at the dinner table.
December 5, 2008
We’re Bringing SchlumpyBack premium
It’s a good sign that you probably need to do the laundry when your daycare provider remarks that the sweatpant ensemble you hastily put together for your 2-year-old that morning favors comparably to the fashion stylings of a rejected backup dancer from Justin Timberlake’s FutureSex/LoveSounds tour.
October 30, 2008
Happy Halloween premium
Here are the list of kids whose costumes mandate that I not give them candy tomorrow night: Small children in red skirt-suits dressed as Sarah Palin.  You know their parents put them up to it even though they begged to dress up as that girl from High School Musical.  If I withold your candy, perhaps […]
October 28, 2008
Two Girls, Two Guys, 4 Plastic Cups premium
This weekend my wife and I went out on the town with some good friends. Being stalwart Pennsylvanians, we felt honor-bound by stately sporting obligations to find someplace after dinner to watch the Penn State/Ohio State football game. We ended up finding a “sports bar” outside of the city. I use the term “sports bar” […]
October 24, 2008
Giraffes, Swords and Puppies To Be premium
Sculptures To Be, originally uploaded by ranzino. So what’s the over-under on the life expectancy of any balloon animal made for children ages 5 and under? 10 minutes? 8?
October 3, 2008
An Inverse Relationship premium
This pretty much sums up how I feel about my ongoing pursuit of excellence in the dynamic field of child rearing. With my apologies to the brilliant site, Indexed.
September 4, 2008
Where For Art Thou Barber Pole? premium
Recently, I took the boys on our not-so-frequent trip to the hair removal store.  I like to refer to this particular  establishment as a hair removal store because I cannot bring myself to admit I bring my sons to a “hair dresser” or a “salon” to get their hair cut.  I was raised by my […]
August 8, 2008
Who Needs a Restroom Attendent Anyway? premium
F U D G E, originally uploaded by ranzino. One day, if I’m blessed, a long time from now, when my time has come and friends, family and admirers have come together to memorialize my life, it is my fondest wish that some of the greatest achievements of my life will be relayed to the […]