September 28, 2021
A Dispatch to My Wife Justifying the Purchase and Display of My New Truck Nutz premium
It is with great respect and the utmost humility that I stand before you in defense of this most innocent of all motor vehicle novelty items.
January 4, 2019
The Future is Now premium
Fans of the luxuriously depressing obesity-chic lifestyle as depicted in the Pixar classic Wall*E rejoice! Your dream reality is at hand. You know Wall*E, it’s the Pixar movie your kids least want to re-watch. No, not Ratatouille, the other one. No, not the Lion King remake with dinosaurs on peyote.  The one with robots and […]
December 11, 2008
Right Downturn Clyde premium
When we face the darkest of economic times, it takes a special breed of entertainer to lift our spirits as a nation. Entertainers who can set aside their own personal fears to help the masses forget theirs. Entertainers who can break down long-standing taboos thereby changing the direction of an entire industry. Entertainers who can […]
October 27, 2008
Halloween Week on Ranzino.com premium
It’s Halloween season here on Ranzino.com and we’ll be celebrating this manufactured non-holiday by posting some extra-spooky content here every day this week. Yes that’s right, you heard it here first. Daily content. Prepare for the reckoning. What better way to kick things off than having some random French guy sing in a capella 64 […]
October 10, 2008
Life Got You Down? premium
In these uncertain times of financial and political turmoil, it may be time for Americans to finally heed the call of sacrifice and once again give back to this nation that has given us so much. Much like our grandparents did during the days of the last great rift in economic and international relations, it’s […]
September 4, 2008
Where For Art Thou Barber Pole? premium
Recently, I took the boys on our not-so-frequent trip to the hair removal store.  I like to refer to this particular  establishment as a hair removal store because I cannot bring myself to admit I bring my sons to a “hair dresser” or a “salon” to get their hair cut.  I was raised by my […]
July 11, 2008
Gelati Girl premium
Gelati Girl, originally uploaded by ranzino. Name: Gelati Girl Age: Wouldn’t you like to know 😉 Looking for: Friendship and maybe more Turn-Ons: Guys with really really air conditioned apartments Dates who bring their own spoons Customers with exact change Turn-Offs: Men who go straight for the custard layer without paying any attention to a […]
July 9, 2008
Jebediah and Sarah Have a Talk premium
Jebediah and Sarah Have a Talk, originally uploaded by ranzino. “Yeah… so… this be awkward… but the doctor said it can flare up about once a month and that ye should probably get down to the clinic to get yourself checked out. What can I sayeth? Rumspringa was hella crazy in ’04!”
July 6, 2008
Enter The Frogmen premium
Enter The Frogmen, originally uploaded by ranzino. When my father warned me against taking that quickie loan from Kermit, I asked myself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Two months later, after the end of my shift, four frogs were waiting for me in my workplace parking lot ready and willing to answer that question.
July 5, 2008
Signs premium
Pretzel Sign, originally uploaded by ranzino. Reports of inappropriate adult-on-pretzel contact have risen 130% in Lancaster County in the past year.  Experts attribute this meteoric rise to increased media coverage of Auntie Anne’s risque fashion line targeted towards teen girls prominently featuring the tagline “Salty” in suggestive areas of the clothing.