From: “Evans, Brian” {winxplover@ranzino.com}
Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 22:09:08
To:”Gates, Bill” {bill.gates@microsoft.com}
Subject: Email Issues

Hey Bill,

I know we haven’t talked much lately. I’m sorry I haven’t kept in touch more. You know how life can be, one proverbial ‘blue screen of death’ after another. Plus, with you being on MSN Messenger and me being a Yahoo! devotee, it’s been harder to catch up. (I know, I know, get Trillian. Stop with the emails already!)

Listen, I was wondering if you could do me a favor? Once a week or so, I get an irritating email from one of my technologically impaired friends. You call these type of people Windows Media Edition users. Billy, I kid! I kid because I love. Anyway, this email usually states that you’re testing an email tracking system, and if I forward said email to 10 or so friends, you’re going to compensate me with cash.

Being a close friend, I know that you have all your excess cash tied up in the Cassadine Corporation and their insidious global weather machine. I mean, who does God think he is anyway? Why doesn’t the Justice Department go after his ass for his meteorological monopoly? It’s a witch hunt I tell you.

So here’s what I’m writing to you about. Could you make some sort of public statement saying that you have never, and will never, develop an email tracking system 😉 and that no peon will ever be sent a dime for ‘testing’ it for you. I mean you make it seem like it’s manna from heaven when you deem developers worthy of testing your bug-riddled operating systems, (again, I kid!) why would you send Grandpa Joe $250 buckeroos for clicking the ‘forward to all’ button? Am I right, or am I right?

Also, could you please send a note to the CEOs of the Gap and Applebee’s about this matter as well? Aren’t you going to see them at the upcoming Annual World Brand Unification summit in Waikiki?

Oh by the way, I still have your Bjork CD. I’ll bring it along Thursday night. We’re still on for Thursday at Bennigan’s right? Thanks, see you later Beegee.