I was listening to the local pop station while getting dressed this morning. The crazy and wacky ‘morning crew’ (natch) were having callers describe their embarrassing prom moments in an attempt to gain entrance to what they were billing as The Second-Chance Prom. The Second-Chance Prom was an opportunity for star-crossed formal-goers to redo their proms gone horribly wrong.

I couldn’t help but wonder what I would have changed about my High School prom, if I had the opportunity for a do-over.

  • Needless to say, the music of M.C. Hammer would no longer be prominently involved.
  • The mullets would have to go.
  • I would go back in time (a la the Terminator) and kill the person who was destined to request Meatloaf’s undanceable opus Paradise by the Dashboard Light.
  • Maybe that banana-colored limousine wasn’t the most tactful choice.
  • Spend less on a corsage and more on Jack Daniels. I know for a fact that J.D. won’t be going home in Jake Ashford’s Camaro at the end of the night.
  • I definitely would not fill up on rolls and salad at the buffet.
  • I would realize that the white jacket on my tuxedo was less James Bond in Monte Carlo and more “Sir, we’ve been waiting for twenty minutes, when will our table be ready?”