Wrinkle-Free Checking premium
Recently, my cozy little hometown bank merged with another cozy little hometown bank and a huge man-eating metro bank. I’m not an alarmist… at least that’s what my support group tells me. I’m willing to give the newly-dubbed New Alliance Bank a fighting chance to retain my business. The new name gave me some hope. […]
May 21, 2004
For That Deep Down Nielsens Thirst premium
Gatorade is helping ESPN celebrate its 25th anniversary this summer by releasing an ESPN-flavored beverage. This inevitably begs the question, what exactly does the Worldwide Leader in Sports taste like? Quoting further from the highly-orchestrated press release, overrated Bronx Bomber Derek Jeter described the flavor as tasting like, “four World Series championships, with a dash […]
March 16, 2004
Oprah’s McNugget Club premium
Many years back, Oprah, trying to distance herself from the talk-show pack, re-invented herself and her show in the mold of a new-age self-help touchy feely-fest. Not only did this inflict the likes of John ‘I left my purse at the manicurists’ Gray on an unassuming public, it also introduced America to the equally grating, […]
March 8, 2004
Packaging for the Terminally Stupid: Part I premium
My infant son recently received a LeapFrog LeapStart Learning Tableâ„¢ from his grandparents. This was not surprising. Grandparents’ desire to please their grandchildren usually manifests itself in the purchase of toys generally louder and more garish than a Christina Aguilera makeup application. While I went about opening the box, I noticed the table was pre-assembled […]