September 30, 2004
When a Flask Just Doesn’t Cut It Anymore premium
For the discerning alcoholic on the go…
August 3, 2004
When It Starts to Hurt, The Q-Tip is in Too Far premium
We have Reader’s Digest delivered to our home every month. Yes, it’s true. No, we do not have elderly borders who need bathroom reading material. It’s for us. Get past it. Every month RD (as Reader’s Digest’s hip, trendy, 55 and under readers like to refer to it) comes encased in a clear wrapper as […]
June 17, 2004
Metro-Funk premium
Old Spice released its annual list of the 100 Sweatiest Summertime Cities today. As it turns out, every place I’ve ever lived in, or around, is represented on the list. #50 Philadelphia, PA #52 Harrisburg, PA #81 Hartford, CT (I can’t wait for July!) #84 Wilkes Barre/Scranton, PA #86 Syracuse, NY All this time, I […]
Wrinkle-Free Checking premium
Recently, my cozy little hometown bank merged with another cozy little hometown bank and a huge man-eating metro bank. I’m not an alarmist… at least that’s what my support group tells me. I’m willing to give the newly-dubbed New Alliance Bank a fighting chance to retain my business. The new name gave me some hope. […]
May 21, 2004
For That Deep Down Nielsens Thirst premium
Gatorade is helping ESPN celebrate its 25th anniversary this summer by releasing an ESPN-flavored beverage. This inevitably begs the question, what exactly does the Worldwide Leader in Sports taste like? Quoting further from the highly-orchestrated press release, overrated Bronx Bomber Derek Jeter described the flavor as tasting like, “four World Series championships, with a dash […]
March 16, 2004
Oprah’s McNugget Club premium
Many years back, Oprah, trying to distance herself from the talk-show pack, re-invented herself and her show in the mold of a new-age self-help touchy feely-fest. Not only did this inflict the likes of John ‘I left my purse at the manicurists’ Gray on an unassuming public, it also introduced America to the equally grating, […]
March 8, 2004
Packaging for the Terminally Stupid: Part I premium
My infant son recently received a LeapFrog LeapStart Learning Tableâ„¢ from his grandparents. This was not surprising. Grandparents’ desire to please their grandchildren usually manifests itself in the purchase of toys generally louder and more garish than a Christina Aguilera makeup application. While I went about opening the box, I noticed the table was pre-assembled […]