Do you have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis? Then Skyrizi might be for you.
Do you have ankle pain when you wake up in the morning, but don’t remember doing anything more strenuous than walking to your front porch to pick up a DoorDash order? Then Skyrizi might be for you.
Does your throat itch when you have raw bananas, but not if you eat them after they’ve been warmed up in a microwave? Then Skyrizi might be for you.
Do you get irritated when the person in line in front of you at the supermarket clearly doesn’t know how to use the self-checkout lane but forges ahead undeterred? Then Skyrizi might be for you.
Do you have to deal with a boss who has no idea how to relate to other human beings, so he ingests whatever snippets of conversation you initiate and clumsily equates them to an entirely unrelated story he wanted to tell anyway? Like that one time, how you started to tell him how your aunt was sick and he somehow compared her bladder surgery to how he got delayed at the airport and how it’s a shame that every single person at the airport, from the car rental guy to the skycap, is an irredeemable idiot? Then Skyrizi might be for you.
Don’t take Skyrizi if you are pregnant, thinking about becoming pregnant, or doodling a cartoon heart in your notebook that contains bubble letters spelling out your hypothetical new married name if Barry would just get off his lazy ass and propose already. I mean for crissakes Barry, your Mom can’t do your laundry forever!
Possible side effects include, upset stomach, skin rashes, having thoughts about how you lied to Meg Hondru in the third grade about whether or not you stole her favorite jelly bracelet (you did), repeatedly logging into your bank’s website to see if your co-pay has been refunded yet, watching Wings reruns on TBS, eating black licorice, and posting suggestive and inappropriate emojis in the comments section of your sister-in-law’s reels.
Ask your doctor about Skyrizi today.
Or don’t, because that would probably be a weird and awkward interaction and he’s already kind of pissed about you bringing up what you found on WebMD.
