I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve used a blender in the past few years. Of course, that doesn’t prevent me from hanging on every word of the immaculately staged Magic Bullet commercials that are omnipresent on weekend mornings somewhere in the basic cable universe.

There’s just something about a women wearing a moo moo with a lit cigarette dangling from her lips nodding her head enthusiastically in agreement about how easy it is to make your very own homemade Alfredo sauce IN JUST SECONDS that’s inherently hypnotic.

Even with the countless hours I logged learning about the culinary wonders of the Magic Bullet, I never really really wanted to buy one. At best, I was just a kitchen gizmo voyeur. A Ron Popeil apologist if you will.

But with one simple marketing technique, the good folks over at Blendtec Industries have turned my blender intrigue into blender lust. If you don’t desperately want one their blenders after watching some of these videos you either:

A: Don’t have a pulse


B: Don’t have an appreciation of just how special it would be to own a countertop appliance that can make a yard rake smoothie.

Either way, may God have mercy on your soul.