Like most Americans, I subscribe to the motto “Bigger is Better.” Do you want to drive an SUV roughly the size of Delaware? As long as you’re comfortable with the second mortgage you’ve taken out to cover your Exxon bill, I say, “why not?” ┬áLet’s don our acid-rain protective suits and go off-roading! Sure the Grand Canyon’s great, but who’s to say it wouldn’t be even greater if it was say 200 yards wider.

You never know.

For these reasons, I’m always surprised at my reaction to the incredibly large super-sized’ beverages at McDonald’s. My mind usually stirs up a series of uncomfortable questions at the sight of this behemoth 44 ounce potable.

  • Has my liver really been working hard enough lately?
  • Sure there are 16 individual cup-holders in my mini-van, but dammit, when will Detroit address the needs of the super-sized drink consumer?
  • Does a person really need a stomach lining, or is that just the man trying to keep me down?
  • And last but not least…Whatever happened to Tab anyway?

I’ve pictured a McDonald’s super-sized barrel here next to a regular can of Diet Dr. Pepper for two reasons. First, to illustrate how obscene it is to expect anyone to consume that much soda in one sitting, and second, to prove that Diet Dr. Pepper really exists because I’ve never met anyone that actually admits to drinking it.