Dear Lady in the Green Dodge Caravan in front of me at the Dunkin’ Donuts Drive-Thru,

The next time you need to order; (from what I could tell) a box of Munchkins, 4 breakfast sandwiches, 6 distinctly different hot beverages, a holiday donut express pack, two decorative travel mugs, several packs of Dunkin Donuts gift certificates, and an orange juice… you might want to consider that the drive-thru maybe isn’t your best option for this scenario.

Sincerely,

The man behind you in the Toyota Sienna who was slowly, but surely, losing his shit.

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Many people have tried to accurately capture the essence that is Brian, but this much is known to be true: he has dutifully paid the hosting bill for Ranzino.com since 2001.

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