It looks like I’ll be putting up Martha Stewart for a few months. Okay, not just me, but me and the rest of Connecticut’s 3.5 million tax-payers who contribute to the operation of the Danbury Federal Correctional Institution.

My Aunt Sandy religiously watched Martha Stewart’s television show at its apex during the mid-90’s. At the time, had I mentioned to my Aunt, “That broad’s going to be doing some hard time someday,” we both would have known that outcome was as remote as Martha’s Ginger Squash Soup with Parmesan Croutons was tasty.

But here we are. Martha is heading up the river, and we’re left with a ten-month void with no one to tell us how to create a beautiful centerpiece for our dinner party that will not only delight our guests, but leave them feeling welcome in our home as well.