Current Events

January 30, 2006
If You Felt Young and Peppy Today… premium
“Baby Jessica” of falling-down-a-well fame, was reportedly hitched in rural Texas this weekend. This just in, if you can recall who Baby Jessica is, you should probably start your daily regiment of bran……now.
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January 26, 2006
Madden 2006 Counts as 1 Gym Credit premium
Reports surfaced yesterday that West Virginia’s Public School system had reached an agreement with the manufacturer of the popular Dance Dance Revolution video game series to help deal a fatal blow to childhood obesity in the Mountain State. For those of you not familiar with the fad of DDR (as the kids would call it), […]
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September 26, 2005
So Long and Thanks For All the Fish premium
As if rampant homelessness, rising fuel costs, and the financial hit the makers of the Girls Gone Wild videos are likely incuring weren’t enough, now Katrina has unleashed deadly dart-wielding porpoises on an unsuspecting populace. According to “expert sources”, 36 U.S. Government-trained dolphins have gone missing in the Gulf of Mexico since after the storm. […]
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Just Call it “The Bee” premium
Kudos to Anurag Kashyap, who took home the top prize in the 78th Annual National Scripps Spelling Bee. After watching some of ESPN’s riveting live coverage of the Bee yesterday, two things occurred to me. First, there are about 250 children ages 8-14 who, as of right now, are officially way smarter than I’ll ever […]
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March 24, 2005
To VP or not to VP premium
Feel better about yourself today. You’re probably earning a higher salary wage this year than former Presidential candidate, and master of expertly coifed hair, John Edwards. Edwards starts new job John Edwards has a new part-time job as head of the University of North Carolina law school’s new Center on Poverty, Work and Opportunity. Edwards […]
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January 20, 2005
Happy Inauguration Day! premium
There has been a lot of talk in partisan camps this week about how a lavish inauguration celebration might be a tad inappropriate in these difficult times. You won’t hear those comments from me, I don’t consider myself partisan and I certainly don’t like to camp. I’m more of a mini-bar and turn down service […]
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December 23, 2004
Help Feed Martha premium
West Virginia’s richest temporary resident, Martha Stewart, complained about the quality of prison food in her latest missive to her web site, marthatalks.com (Apparently, the domain name iwasjusttradedfortwocigarettesandatwinkie.com was already taken.) Martha, let me fill you in on a little secret… YOU’RE IN PRISON! I don’t profess to be an expert on criminal corrections. In […]
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November 3, 2004
Maybe it Should be Scratch and Sniff Too premium
The Connecticut Secretary of State unveiled the new design for the “I Voted Today” stickers to be used during the next election cycle. According to the Secretary, the stickers, commonly handed out at polling stations statewide to encourage others to vote, needed to be updated to accurately reflect Connecticut’s true influence on Presidential elections.
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November 1, 2004
I Approve This Message premium
Without a doubt, there is a decided benefit to living in a state that is squarely in the win column for one of the presidential candidates. For the current election year in its entirety, I have not seen one television commercial for either John Kerry or George Bush. Not a single one. In your face […]
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September 28, 2004
The Debate Team premium
Both the Bush-Cheney and Kerry-Edwards campaigns signed a memorandum of understanding concerning the upcoming Presidential and Vice-Presidential debates. “Memorandum of understanding” is a phrase politicians and businessmen types use instead of saying something childish and silly like “the rules.” I guess the thought is that by using words that we didn’t routinely use in the […]
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