There has been a lot of talk in partisan camps this week about how a lavish inauguration celebration might be a tad inappropriate in these difficult times. You won’t hear those comments from me, I don’t consider myself partisan and I certainly don’t like to camp. I’m more of a mini-bar and turn down service vacationer myself.

Quite conversely, I think these glitzy affairs uphold a grand American tradition. No, I’m not talking about the peaceful transition of power. We have to get over ourselves about that. All of Europe and about one fifth of those Soviet spin-off countries have figured out how to do that. No, I’m speaking of the innate ability within every American to take our glorious moments of victory and reach out with a magnanimous hand to our defeated opponents and say, “In your face loser!”

Think about it. Let’s say your favorite NFL team wins the Super Bowl. Who do you immediately call first?

  • Your father with whom you have tirelessly followed the ups and downs of said franchise for over 30 years.or
  • Your college roommate whose favorite squad was just bested by your team on a last second play.

Studies have shown that 90% of all Americans* would choose the latter instead of the former. The remaining 10% percent say they just watch the Super Bowl for the commercials, validating their idiocy and rendering them statistically irrelevant.

In America, it’s not enough to score a touchdown/win an election/pull off that perfect move in rhythmic gymnastics, we also need to shake or asses in celebratory fashion as to make the opposition feel as bad about their loss as possible. And nothing makes your opponents feel worse than trotting out your most devout fans to sing your praises, or in the case of political parties, outspoken celebrities in ball gowns. Granted the Democrats usually have a bigger roster of well known A-list stars. I’m sure the Elephants will be able to dig up somebody that will get the Dem’s dander up. Somebody call Schwarzenegger. I haven’t seen him in anything since T3…what’s he up to these days?

* studies have a + or – 46% margin or error.