May 27, 2008
In Desparate Need of a Line Break premium
Advertising Genius, originally uploaded by ranzino. The good news is when you deep fry them, they taste just like Burger King’s chicken fries.
SOYLENT PINK IS PEOPLE!, originally uploaded by ranzino. I’m willing to accept many things about the anthropomorphic animal residents of Richard Scarry’s Busytown at face value. For instance, I can overlook the fact that the only townsperson to wear a shoe is also the only one to not have any feet on to which he […]
March 15, 2008
Why Even HAVE a Drive-Thru Then? premium
You mean I have to wear pants now? Is Dunkin’ Donuts going to pick up the bill for all the extra glaze removal I’m going to have to pay for at the dry cleaners? I think not. Man forgets to wear pants at drive-thru Police say a man placing an order in a suburban New […]
January 11, 2008
I Knew It, I Just Knew It premium
Daytime nap may help memory, learning Researchers in Israel report a daytime nap may help memory — especially for those learning more than one skill in one day. My college roommate just thought I was lazy. Turns out I was just preparing myself to be a multi-tasker.
Dumbest… Technology… Ever. premium
A 16-year-old boy broke the Guinness World Record for speed text messaging this past Sunday. Ang Chuang Yang of Singapore was definitely “in the zone” when he typed an 160 character message in only 41.52 seconds. The standard phrase used as the sample text in all text-messaging contests apparently is: The razor-toothed piranhas of the […]
January 26, 2006
Madden 2006 Counts as 1 Gym Credit premium
Reports surfaced yesterday that West Virginia’s Public School system had reached an agreement with the manufacturer of the popular Dance Dance Revolution video game series to help deal a fatal blow to childhood obesity in the Mountain State. For those of you not familiar with the fad of DDR (as the kids would call it), […]
May 23, 2005
Biodegradable Delicates premium
Are you tired of wearing that same old pair of underwear day after day after day? Did you ever wish you could live the decadent devil-may-care undergarment lives of celebrities such as Paris Hilton and Tara Reid? Well now you too can abandon your underthings anywhere, anytime with nothing more to worry about other than […]
February 17, 2005
A Bone You Say? Why Yes That Would Be Lovely premium
I got a great piece of SPAM in my Inbox today. That’s right, now for only $39.95, that’s right m’am you heard me correctly that’s less than I paid for my cable bill this month, you can finally decipher the cryptic language stylings of your common household canine. The inventors behind the Bow-Lingual translator are […]
January 19, 2005
Fun with Respiratory Disease premium
Growing up with asthma, I generally considered my trusty inhaler a valuable commodity. Even at a young age, I was able to draw the correlation between using my inhaler and the subsequent ability to breath clearly again. Children catch on to these types of things pretty fast. That’s why childhood strategies in punishing our parents […]
December 24, 2004
Tango, Charlie, Blitzen, Echo, Donner, Over premium
This Christmas Eve, for the fiftieth-straight year, NORAD is tracking the progress of a flying red-suited fat man across the rooftops of North America. Let’s forget for a minute that the NORAD Santa tracking web site contains creepy video of Jolly old Saint Nick flying across the sky with military symbols such as scrambled Canadian […]