Apparently, the daunting tasks of reducing the deficit, creating new jobs for Americans, and keeping our nation safe are not sufficient to keep our highly paid elected officials busy. Federal politicians are taking brave steps toward striking down one of the most terrifying crises to ever shake our nation: the saucing-up of professional baseball players. I don’t know about you, but I for one think my tax dollars would be better spent having John McCain studying a graph on budgetary waste than one showing the marked increase in the size of Barry Bonds’ noggin.
Since we all know that once Washington gets its hands dirty with something, there’s no turning back, I’m offering up some legislation they could look into instead. Then Congress could really improve something, besides the attractiveness of their intern pool, for a change.
Major League Baseball
The Speed/Anti-Adjusting Act of 2004
The biggest problem facing baseball is that it’s BORING. The reason it is so yawn-inducing is that it takes so long for anything to happen in between pitches. It’s like waiting for the new season of the Sopranos to begin. You don’t know when it’s coming and the anticipation is worse than hearing Carrie talk about Jimmy Chu’s week after week. Baseball gets a pitch clock, period. Also, any batter caught fidgeting, stepping out of the batter’s box, or…ahem….adjusting himself is awarded one strike. I swear to god these guys are ‘fixing’ themselves every 10 seconds. If the uniform’s that uncomfortable, go see a good tailor for Pete’s sake! If that’s not the problem, I have three words for you, Medicated Gold Bond Powder. Look into it.
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