Suggested taglines for Kirkland Signature’s toilet paper with new wider sheets:

5. Go on, have that second burrito
4. Rainforests schmainforests!
3. Hiding your silent bathroom crying has never been easier!
2. America 2020 Collector’s Edition
1. I mean c’mon… just look at yourself

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Many people have tried to accurately capture the essence that is Brian, but this much is known to be true: he has dutifully paid the hosting bill for Ranzino.com since 2001.

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