Pop Culture
December 17, 2004
Noah, I Am Your Father
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For those last minute shoppers looking for the perfect holiday gift to bestow upon certain un-named web site owners, may I humbly suggest the Darth Vader Voice Changer Helmet. That’s right, you too can sound just like the Dark Lord of the Sith (Or, depending on your preferences, Mufasa from the Lion King.) I predict […]
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December 15, 2004
Pieces of Me
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Joe Simpson, proud papa and manager for both Ashlee and Jessica Simpson, recently described moody teen pop-rocker Ashlee’s nascent acting career thusly: “She’s going to be a huge movie star. She’s like Meg Ryan or Cameron Diaz, with probably more depth. When we’re done, she’ll play it all.” Yeah, I see her playing the Meryl […]
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September 13, 2004
Tommy Two-Tone
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A modern day dilemma. My mobile phone company is currently offering both Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie and Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice as ring tone possibilities. The separate ring tones, when broken down to their base elements (sans vocals,) are almost virtually identical to one another. Unfortunately, each speaks volumes to […]
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September 10, 2004
Being a full-fledged American football fan, I can say unequivocally nothing gets me more fired up for the legalized bloodsport that is the NFL more than the catchy pop stylings of Elton John, Jessica Simpson, and Mary J. Blige. You can’t tell me the Backstreet Boys weren’t available to add the perfect finishing touch. I […]
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August 29, 2004
I’m Hot, Sticky Sweet
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A boy band has covered Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar On Me. Somewhere in Northeastern Pennsylvania, a 34-year-old man with a mullet is quietly sobbing into a balled up Pyromania t-shirt.
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August 27, 2004
Trump-It
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Donald Trump speaks to me over my car radio. Every day during my afternoon drive home, The Donald dispense little nuggets of wisdom in tidy 60 second packages. All the while the bass line of the theme song to The Apprentice looping in the background. You know the one, that catchy little ditty that repeats […]
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July 21, 2004
Dialouge from “Tax Reform Commando” Matrix: Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill your wimpy, socialist, aid program last? Sully: That’s right, Matrix. You did. Matrix: I lied. (Succinctly drops Sully off a cliff) Critics of California’s Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, are labeling him sexist and homophobic after he referred to Democrats who oppose his tough state budget […]
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July 16, 2004
It looks like I’ll be putting up Martha Stewart for a few months. Okay, not just me, but me and the rest of Connecticut’s 3.5 million tax-payers who contribute to the operation of the Danbury Federal Correctional Institution. My Aunt Sandy religiously watched Martha Stewart’s television show at its apex during the mid-90’s. At the […]
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June 18, 2004
Blog Mad Libs
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Johnny Ramone of the Ramones had to issue a statement today to counteract a report that he was dying. {Insert Joke Here} 1. Insert your own Keith Richards joke in the space provided above2. Re-read3. Enjoy
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May 18, 2004
Insert Apple Pun Here
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Cruel namings of celebrity children must be stopped! Gwyneth Paltrow’s latest crime against the infantile set is just the latest in a string of unfortunate, and potentially scarring, celebrity child monikers. Celebrities are too insulated by their well-wishers and handlers. They alone cannot be blamed for inflicting a name on an unsuspecting child that, while […]
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