Today, after polishing off my lunch of pork fried rice and an egg roll, I broke into my complimentary “fortune” cookie to find this message:

“If you work harder, your monetary rewards will be greater.”

Great. Now in addition to my mother-in-law, I have miniature fried desserts all over my ass.

When exactly did fortune cookie makers get out of the business of…well… doling out fortunes. I can handle deep-fried cookies mystically predicting vague future events, but something rubs me the wrong way about my dessert handing out career advice.