Possible responses to the query:
“WHY THE SHEETZ NOT NOT PAIR SOME RED BULL WITH UR BREAKFAST PIZZA FLAT?”
- I never eat anything that skirts the border between parody and real life. It only encourages the fast food industrial complex.
- I prefer my breakfast pizza cold, slightly bacteria laden, and straight from the box on my kitchen island so I can further amortize last night’s dinner purchase after punting on making a healthy family dinner for the sixth consecutive night.
- I have mixed feelings about enticements that use possessive pronouns the same way my 15-year-old son texts.
- I would rather not squander the limited amount of self-respect I still have on reserve in the morning, and prefer to cash that in later in the evening when I utterly surrender by bingeing six episodes of Love Island and pass out in a pile of Cheeto dust.
