Possible responses to the query:
“WHY THE SHEETZ NOT NOT PAIR SOME RED BULL WITH UR BREAKFAST PIZZA FLAT?”
- I never eat anything that skirts the border between parody and real life. It only encourages the fast food industrial complex.
- I prefer my breakfast pizza cold, slightly bacteria laden, and straight from the box on my kitchen island so I can further amortize last night’s dinner purchase after punting on making a healthy family dinner for the sixth consecutive night.
- I have mixed feelings about enticements that use possessive pronouns the same way my 15-year-old son texts.
- In the morning I have the tiniest shred of self-respect left which I would prefer to cash in on later in the evening when I utterly surrender by bingeing six episodes of Love Island before passing out in a pile of Cheeto dust.
