ranzino
January 4, 2019
The Future is Now
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Fans of the luxuriously depressing obesity-chic lifestyle as depicted in the Pixar classic Wall*E rejoice! Your dream reality is at hand. You know Wall*E, it’s the Pixar movie your kids least want to re-watch. No, not Ratatouille, the other one. No, not the Lion King remake with dinosaurs on peyote. The one with robots and […]
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May 19, 2016
Least effective piece of clickbait I've ever seen.
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November 28, 2010
The Burden of Being Aquaman
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It's a big ocean. You can't be everywhere at once.
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September 25, 2010
Anthropomorphic Identity Crisis
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Child malapropisms. They're one of the few true joys of parenthood.
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September 21, 2010
Leave the house with all of your children. Enjoy the pleasant daily ritual of exchanging friendly waves with the kind, elderly crossing guard lady. Drop off eldest child without his book bag or lunch. Return to your house to retrieve forgotten lunches and book bags. Reciprocate waves from the overly-eager aging crossing guard woman with […]
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April 18, 2010
In light of Gizmodo’s recent acquisition of a top-secret pre-production version of the iPhone 4G, speculation has begun on exactly what new features this life-altering device may offer. Luckily, Ranzino.com has been able to confirm just a few of the many mind-blowing enhancements Apple has in store for us. Can shoot arcing bolts of […]
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January 26, 2009
The Myth of Wii
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The Non-Political Plumber, originally uploaded by ranzino. Here’s how fanboys of the Nintendo Wii will defend their beloved gaming console to those who are less than enamored with the lifestyle that often accompanies video gaming: But it’s not like other systems! It gets you up and moving around! It’s an ACTIVE experience! I’ve got a […]
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January 9, 2009
Pocket Full of Kryptonite
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When I was a freshman in college I specifically remembering going to see a Spin Doctors cover group perform at a local house party. What I don’t remember (for a variety of reasons) is exactly what that jam band played after they covered both “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” and “Two Princes.” It didn’t seem […]
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December 29, 2008
Damn you George Lucas
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You know your 5- year- old is probably watching too much Star Wars when your 2-year-old is humming John Williams’ Imperial March at the dinner table.
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December 11, 2008
Right Downturn Clyde
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When we face the darkest of economic times, it takes a special breed of entertainer to lift our spirits as a nation. Entertainers who can set aside their own personal fears to help the masses forget theirs. Entertainers who can break down long-standing taboos thereby changing the direction of an entire industry. Entertainers who can […]
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